My life, Nessa's way! | Our Fifteen Minutes

My life, Nessa's way!

Okay, so I don’t know where to start, I might just tell you all a little bit about me. So um my name is Vanessa i am 21 and I’m half Puerto Rican and half Dominican, live in Rico at the moment. Ever since i was young i knew i was “different”. I had a gf when i was 6 but since i was just a kid i didn’t pay attention to it. Growing up i was always around the guys, had a lot of friends but only liked to hang out with the guys. In 2001 i moved to Rico and i just tried to make a new life, took me a while to have friends, cause of me being shy it was hard for me to make friends that easily and me not knowing nothing of Spanish it was harder. I was occasionally bullied being called names cause i didn’t have friends and cause i didn’t talk with no one. In high school i met this girl and although she didn’t say she was i knew she was a lesbian on just the way she acted. i tend to have a crush on her but thought it was just crazy thoughts and myself making things up. This went on for 3 years i had a bf but the feelings and the dreams didn’t go away. Life went on and in 2010 i meet this girl only and we start talking was my first time having a friend that is a lesbian and me having feelings for her. We dated for about 3 months then i get on this virtual site and meet other girls that had the same feeling as i did. I first then had my first online gf but it didn’t last long. Few months latter i had my second and my third that went wrong also. When i was going thru some bad time, one of my friends was there for me, I found myself having strong feelings for her just i was scared cause of our age difference. We talked and gave it a shot, ( we are still together but things are not that easy cause we are to far away). So now to my coming out part, one night i had this mayor fight with my mom and me out of anger i say, I’m the way i am cause of you i like and love what i love cause of you, there my mom says yes i know you like girls and i known it for a while and crying i say yes i do and no one will change my way of feeling and loving. That day i felt like i have lost 100 lbs but yet again felt bad cause of the fight. I talked to my gf and she was there for me step by step like she always been. Only my mom and one of my sisters know I’m a lesbian. My two best friends also know they was the first ones to know it and didn’t judge me for being a lesbian. It was hard to come out cause i was in church and the pressure was a lot. But gladly i took that step. My mother and I don’t talk about me being a lesbian she just tries to avoid that convo. I now am going thru some weird things that i have never been thru lots of fights with my gf, i get a lot of mood swings and tend to shut down. I guess its just hard to trust when one has been hurt a lot. I’m at the point that i can lose her for good and i don’t want to. The distance makes it so hard and i sometimes just don’t know what to do, i have hurt her and I’m scared things wont be the same as before. Well I should stop writing cause if i keep on going i can make a book LOL. If any of you can give me some advise or anything i will appreciate. I also want to say i thank Tracy and Stamie cause with the little things they have done and continue doing, they gave me the strength to come out maybe it wasn’t a nice way to come up but at least i came out. I love you girls and wish one day to meet you two.

Much love, Vanessa (Nessa)

One Response to “My life, Nessa's way!”

  1. Faith says:

    Nessa, First off stop stressing over the little things. This is completely normal. If this girl you are with makes you feel complete, then do not let anything take that away from you. Distance can be hard, but it also allows us to learn each other much more thoroughly as you go through the good times and rough times. Everything will be okay, and you always have support from all of us during this journey thru life. You are not alone. For every time your mood changes, stop what you are doing and think of Stamie or Tracy. Just smile. It gets better.

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