Tracy On Episode 8 | Our Fifteen Minutes

Tracy On Episode 8

Coming Out. Again, and again, and again….

There are several stages or steps to the coming-out process, and everyone’s experience and journey is unique.  However, the one thing we all have in common is that we’re always going to have to share our secret with someone at some point in our lives….parents, coworkers, friends…..but it will always start with coming-out and being true to yourself.

For me, this part of the process was unusually easy.  That is, until I realized I would eventually have to come up against other peoples’ judgments, prejudices, stereotypes and fears of the unknown.  If life wasn’t hard enough….

So, in order to fully grasp what is happening in this episode, I should give you a little back story on my relationship with my mother and all things gay!  Here goes:  After about 7 months of dating my first girlfriend, I decided to tell my mother over a cheesecake and coffee in a NJ diner.  The reason I had waited this long was two-pronged: 1.) I wanted to make sure that it wasn’t a “phase” as some people were trying to convince me of at the time; and 2.) My mother was just recently divorced and having a very hard time adjusting to life again.  Let’s just say that her reaction was very different than what had played out in my head.  It was as if I had not only disappointed her but also shamed my family.  And even though we had a great relationship prior, she quietly proposed a very one-sided agreement that led to a moratorium of discussing all things gay – when it had to do with her daughter!  (Insert very big lavendar elephant here!!)  Cut to 4 years later and this arrangement has become outdated and no longer working for me!!!  She’s missing out on huge parts of my life!

I was really disappointed that my mother was resistant to coming out for my 30th birthday party – excuse after excuse. Part of me thought it was because of the fact that there were cameras following my every move and another because she wasn’t ready to see the life I had created for myself (i.e., Stamie, kids, Gay Gay Gay).  I can’t explain how elated I was when I opened my front door to find a 5’1” Puerto Rican “Hot Tamale” Spitfire on my front porch!  And, as you saw, my Mom said things to me that I’ve been waiting four years to hear, so it was quite emotional!  For instance, as we started to delve deeper, my Mom finally shared that it was her own dream for me that she was harping on — a husband, kids, white wedding — rather than my own.  What I do know though, is that parents also have a coming-out process.  Some of us struggle with this secret for so long and then once it leaves our lips, we except immediate acceptance from those we love.  But we must also remember to give them a second to let it marinate!  My Mom is my best friend – so it was worth the wait!

I feel for her right now!  I know that introducing my Mom to Stamie at her comedy show wasn’t the best decision on my part, but sometimes life throws you a curveball and you just have to go with it. But, oh man, that was ROUGH!!! Could you feel the tension in the air?  Imagine being stuck in the middle of that for a week!  It felt like the longest evening ever, and I can only explain it as BITTERSWEET.

Since Stamie has already gone through her own coming out process, it’s been hard for her to rehash and relive those days through me. She is past it and pours every last morsel of love and energy into the three gorgeous children of hers.  Like most parents, her priority became providing a good life for her children, which makes coming out issues pale in comparison.  With age and/or experience often comes a shift in perspective.

I’m stuck in between my two favorite people at the moment!  Is there a way to please everybody?  Hopefully, down the road, Stamie and my mother will both take down their guards and learn to love each other.  For the time being, however, whoever I’m dating is going to be in the hot (tamale) seat.

To be continued next week…….

5 Responses to “Tracy On Episode 8”

  1. beth says:

    she is your mother, and parents love their kids unconditionally. it is obvious just from watching the show that stamie loves and cares for you a great deal. the two of you seem to have a very loving, stable relationship, and most importantly seem to be very happy. at the end of the day that is all a parent can hope for…that thier children are happy. sooner or later she will see that, hopefully come around, and accept it. good luck with it……….

    • Lori says:

      I don't think parents love their kids unconditionally… hell it's all conditional. If your mother can deal with your life, super. If she can't, then she probably just lost a daughter.

      • hockeymom says:

        hopefully that wont be the case. that would be a lose/lose on both ends. its obvious that both her mother and stamie are very important people to her. Im speaking as a mother of three. I know when it comes to my kids, I love them unconditionally. do I want certain things for them, yes of course. every parent has dreams for their kids, but at the end of the day I only want them to be happy.

  2. friendlyfire says:

    you are awesome. i think you are definitely making a breakthrough for a lot of women who are experiencing the same thing with their moms. there seems to be a lot cultural barriers to overcome. this is helping me a great deal coming from a mom who came from a culture that is different than the one i grew up in. thank you for this site. my mom still hasn't accepted my gayness, she thinks it's a mental illness, but i think her non-acceptance contributed to my "mental illness." it would probably help if i had a girlfriend with a warm, friendly household like Stamie's. 🙂 I think the both of you are great.

  3. Sarah B. says:

    Oh yeah ! coming out to parents is the tought part. Even though they are open minded, when its about their own, it’s different, it can’t happen, it happen to the others. So, with narrow minded conservative parents, it’s worst , and this is where I am! That’s why I’m not out to parents. I guess one day or another I should tell them, … they would probably call an exorcist after …

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