The Road Less Traveled

Well, considering most of the ladies on the chat roll know OF me and not ABOUT me, I figured it is time to finally break down and share my coming out story… My coming out story is actually still being written and each day I get closer to finishing my novel of Faith’s Non-Simplified Life… Actually, I have found anyone that is in the Lesbian/Bi circuit is just as complicated as I, but it is nice to know we all relate some way or another. Regardless of what I have done in the past, or will do in the future, I know that either way people will judge me for the knowing fact that ‘I Like Girls.’ So I say, why hide my imperfections, my faults, my past-maybe at least they could relate. So here is my Coming Out Story….

Lets go back to my childhood… I grew up in a small community in Virginia where I still to this day do not know of one Lesbian or Gay couple that live there. That being said, you could only imagine how I felt when I finally realized ‘I Like Girls.’ I was brought up in a very religious Christian family that even sex before marriage was a sin… For these reasons, I believe I chose the easier path in life, which led me recently to the road less traveled. At the age of 21 I was married to the man of my dreams. We all know in every relationship, everyone has their own problems. In the 4 years that I was married to him, there were awesome times, and then again there were days I felt so depressed I just did not even want to wake up. I had NO clue that being gay was an option. It was not until I met my cousin’s wife (she was only a girlfriend at the time), that I knew that having feelings for a girl was okay. Moral of that story is: “Never sleep with your cousin’s wife, because it will bite you in the ass later in life.” (Skipping over all the drama in that relationship) This is when I realized the emotional bond and intimacy of women is by far the greatest adrenaline rush ever created.

After the affair with this woman, and my husband finding out, we decided divorcing would be the best option. I am letting a lot of his faults be left out of my story, as I know I cannot blame him for me liking girls. Our marriage might have lasted longer, but the truth is I was never truly happy being with a man. Going back even farther than that. A part of my life that so few people even know ever existed, I want to share… During my marriage, there were nights I would hold back my silent sobs during intimacy, always feeling so violated and never enjoying what I was always told should be pleasurable. It took me 24 years to realize that being sexually assaulted at a young age pretty much screwed me over psychologically in the long run… I share this because I know I’m not the only one. I also do not blame this on my sexual preference, however I know it holds an intimacy barrier beyond extent with a man. I do know being with a woman, I can love, I can live, and I can let go.

I can confidently say that my ex-husband is still to this day my best friend and my soul mate. But we both realize, I am gay… Although, when he found out I was gay, lets just say, I am lucky to still be alive… As for anyone else knowing that I am gay… Other than a couple of close friends, I came out to my dad about 2 months ago and was expecting disappointment and disapproval from him, but was surprised when he was ok with it… As for my mother knowing I am gay-I think I will let her figure it out in time on her own…

Like I mentioned before, this is my story and it is still a working progress. I think we have all been in a situation we did not know that we had other options. So thank you Stamie Karakasidis and Tracy Ryerson for creating such a supporting site for people like me. You will never truly understand how your encouraging comments have changed my life. And of course if you two ever part your separate ways…. ’’Stamie, Will you marry me?’’