Stuck in the middle
I am 26 and feel stuck.
I was brought up in the South(bible belt). My family has brought me up with a good christian background. Which i am thankful for in many ways. I am the youngest of three. My family is kinda open but 90% of the time what the bible says goes. My mom will tell you what she thinks, she is every stuck in her ways.
I found out on a church trip that i liked girls. I was 13 and scared because i was taught it was wrong. I never told anyone until i was 15 and i told my best friend. Then i just hid myself from everyone. Life in a SMALL Georgia town is not all fun. But I’m now stuck. I have hid who i am from everyone including myself for so long. i wanted to make my family proud and being gay would not do that so i got married three years ago to a good man. My family loves him. He even helps me with my mom. He has been there for me through a lot.
I lost my father after we got married and that was very hard. He was my best friend. He even told me before he died not to marry him. I think he knew i liked girls. I wanted to tell him several times. He would have love me even if i was gay.
I decided i did not want to hide anymore from my close friends. I wanted to see what would happen. I told six of my friends of which i still have four. My best friend i told at 15 told me it would be fine and she would be here for me. She knew i had a crush on her when we were younger. we joked about it. She was like my sister and we talked about everything. She dropped everything when my dad died to be with me. My husband on one side and my best friend on the other standing in front of my church. It seems kinda funny now.
My husband and i have been having problems for a while and i ask for a divorce. It did not go over well. ( A lot happened) He wanted to see if it would work out. So i have been trying. It is not working out for me. I called my best friend to tell her. She was great said i could come stay with her. she told me to give it a few weeks and maybe i would feel up to coming out the him. She died a week later. I just shut myself off. I have not talked to any one about this.
So I am stuck in a marriage that is falling apart, with a family who will not understand, and all i want to do is be me. I want to come out, I want to be myself and quit hiding. I just don’t think i could handle any more loss right now.
Thank you for letting me get this out. It feels good to cry and let it out.
If anyone out there has been married and came out please tell me your story. I need to hear the good and the bad.
I know exactly how you feel. I have been in your shoes except losing my best friend. I would love to talk more with you about how you are feeling. Trust me, you are definitely not alone in this. You can normally find me in the Live Chat, if Im not there, ask someone to get me. I don't want you to feel alone. Look forward to hearing from you.
i just got up the nerve to write you back. i have talked to you in the CR. Im sam in there. I just wanted to tell you thank you. you dont know how you have helped me. I have not told my mom and my hubby well im still workin on him. not goin to get in to that. SO thank you!!
Hi, First off I'm sorry for your loss. I'm not married and never have been. I'm gay but I also have a gay father. My parents were married for a little over 15 years. When he left and told us he was gay it took a huge toll on the family and especially my mom. She didn't know what hit her. I think it's easier to end it sooner than later for the sake of less pain for him and everyone. You can't hide who you are for others. I hope it all works out.
Hi. I feel for you. I was married for 16 years had 2 kids with my husband and learned I was gay in my mid 30's. I didn't realize I was gay until i was with a woman. It all came together for me. I met my soulmate online on a lesbian website, sort of like this one. she lived half way across the US. I divorced my husband and moved me and my 2 kids. Our families thought we were losing it…mid life crisis or something. She was married for 14 years and had one child. We took a leap of faith and did it. Its 4 years later and we are both so in love and happy. Our children are thriving and life couldn't be better. Your family loves you, and I am sure they want you to be happy. why should you live a life of sadness so everyone else can be ok? Live life for you. Be happy….becasue as you have seen first hand…life can be short….good luck!
oh! And by the way…we have our story on here. It was one of the first ones posted….check it out…its called "our story"!!