STUCK
I’m an Asian Chinese & I live in Malaysia – a Muslim dominated & conservative country. As a devoted Chinese Christian (still very active in Church activities as well), I feel that I am ‘trapped’ & very sinful since I’d suspected I am at least Bi at the age of 12. I just turned 38 on Christmas Day.
Many a times, I wish that I was born in a more liberated country like the US or other European countries. Lived & studied my Final year of University in Melbourne, Australia and boy, was I reluctant to return home when it finally was time for me to do so.
I really, really wish I’d come out of the closet but I’m afraid I’d be ‘stoned’ to death…not literally but hearing, hurting my loved ones & being written off by them would be just the same as being stoned to death.
*sigh* …I really don’t know what to do and I SO wish to be ‘freed’ from the closet, be proud of myself & feel liberated but unfortunately, I know it is not gonna happen…not in my situation, anyway. I am STUCK.
p/s: This is the very 1st time pouring my feelings out and it’s all thanks to Tracy & Stamie that made me feel comfortable enough to share as I kinda have been communicating with both of them thru’ tweeter. So, thanks again, Tracy & Stamie.
xox, tonilim
Toni,
I can not even imagine having to keep a secret for 26 years and hide who I am from everyone around me. I know what it is like to live a double life and not be who I really was inside due to the consequences. Although mine not as severe, still had an impact on the way dealt with my sexuality. I am not going to say to leap out of the closet at full force until you are absolutely ready to do so without a doubt.
The best part about Stamie and Tracy's site is it makes us feel comfortable with our own sexuality from reading other stories that are so similar to our own. It gives us a boost of confidence saying, "I can do this. I choose me."
I support you in whatever decision you choose to make, but just know, you will not always have to feel "Stuck" around us. Come visit us in Chatroll sometime. Would love to talk.
Thank you for your words of encouragement, Faith. I agree that this site does give me the comfort, be braver & bolder I needed. Happy New Year to you! 🙂
I'm an Asian Chinese too and living in Malaysia. It is not easy to come out in Malaysia. However, I did told my parent who I really am. Although it is hard but I believe as human being I have the right to be true to myself. I'm still holding on to be myself and still fighting for my right. My parent is still in denial and still not accepting. Sometimes I do feel doubt about myself and all the trouble I have to go through. One thing I know, life is more meaningful when you life as yourself and not acting who your parent wanted you to be. So be true to yourself and God will always protect you.