So here it is ….

I’m just a girl in my late 20’s who lives in California born and raised. Well here it goes: I guess I always knew I was gay from a young age, always attracted to girls never to boys, however, I only focused on school being the first one in my family ever to go to a University was a lot of pressure, so unfortunately my love life never came about until after college. Yea I know kinda sad but when you are drilled everyday from a young age that you are going to college no matter what it’s hard to live up to with distractions in your life. Anyway I was at a family gathering and this beautiful blonde hair blue eyed most amazing girl was there. Well needless to say she got a bit drunk, okay a lot drunk and the next day rang me up out of the blue and apologized profusely. From there it was magical, I thought I met my dream girl she was caring, funny, spontaneous and beautiful. Even though she had a daughter that was 6 years old at the time it didn’t matter, I ended up loving them both. We were officially together 9 months and unofficially 3 years. It was great at that time we spent every minute together, she was my best friend and knew everything about me and I knew everything about her. But happiness is short lived so it seems. After we moved in together it went all down hill from there. She started using drugs, stopped going to work, slept all day while I was working trying to keep a roof over all our heads. She would invite her friends over whenever she wanted have them sleep over without even caring or asking if it was okay or how I felt. Whenever she had her daughter which was barely ever by this time she would leave her in the living room playing or watching TV while in her bedroom she was getting high with her friends and I would end up watching her daughter. She would disappear all night as well leaving her daughter crying in the middle of the night wondering where her mom was. Yes sad I know. Till this day I still feel so sorry for her daughter. Well a lot of the times we would fight and at times it got outta control. I was hit and thrown and that was it. I had enough at that point, enough of the lying, the using, being taken advantage, of her owing me a vast amount of money for paying the rent, of taking care of her when in return she never put me first or her daughter first and sick of everything else. I miss her daughter a lot and every time I see her I never know what to say. The ex calls from time to time still but only if she wants something so I just ignore and don’t pick up. I learned my lesson and I’m not going through that again. The thing that sucks about it is that our families are intertwined so I have to see her from time to time and now that our parents are dating she may possibly become my stepsister one day (I hope not). So, basically that was my experience with my first and only girlfriend and it was a very unpleasant one at that. I guess I’m a bit jaded now, trust does not come easily anymore and it is very hard for me to open up to anyone and going through what I went through makes it even harder (and trust me this was the brief version). I don’t know if I’ll ever heal from it but I hope I do one day. I hope I can trust someone else not to break my heart that is still healing to this very day and if there is a girl out there for me I hope she’s not like my first. I’ve been told I’m a closed book which isn’t true it just takes awhile to turn the page but once its done I’m as open as anyone else.

That is my story and thanks for reading it, it felt good to write it down and lifted a weight over my heart.