She said No…
When I came out to my Mom. She said “No”.
Ok, well that’s settled. Thanks for the chat. There began my life as “Not Me in front of Mom”.
I’m 38, I have 2 magical kids. I even sport a husband. And The Veronika, that had one small aspect different from all my sibs, is close to being lost.
As of late I feel much less passionate about anything & feel more like a complete fraud.
I am living a life I, without notice, chose. A choice I am not happy about. A choice that will probably end me if I do not change it soon.
I love my babies, and they are all that is right in this choice.
I miss the person I use to be & the person I was suppose to become. I wish to get her back without loosing what I have now. There in lies my critical conundrum.
Dare I confess & say I am not who anyone thinks I am. And I am absolutely not who I want to be.
And as of late, my cave is consuming me..
Yet, I found solace in your stories. And for the 1st time in a small lifetime, I confronted & owned my shamefulness.
So what now? I have no idea!? But I simply cannot back down from me any longer.
Thank You Both, the rest of the cast & Ilene Chaiken. You may have saved a life.
Namste,
Ronni
Your story saddens my heart. All I can say is a lot of women get married not realizing who they really are later in life. I married at 18 and left because I knew it was the best thing for us both to move on. You cannot live life in hiding which is what you are doing. At some point you have to start thinking of YOU. YOU are what matters the most. Don't worry about the obsticles you will have to face coming out because your biggest obstical is yourself right now, and by not coming out you are cheating yourself on the joys of life.
I truly hope that one day you can be yourself, and find true love and happiness. Don't get too down on yourself, and you might be suprised how much support you might actually have! I have been out for almost 7 years now and It's been a long road but one I wouldn't trade for anything. The tears of not having family support eventually don't fall anymore.
Hang in there girl, you are NOT alone. I hope you find comfort and friendship to help you get through this. If you ever need to vent or talk or cry on paper you can email me at amandafluffy@hotmail.com.
Support is the key. Find it wherever you can. Take one day at a time, things will get easier I PROMISE! Don't give up:)
Your friend,
Amanda Ayers
Amanda,
I apologize for the lateness of this reply. I hope it finds you well.
Thank You for your kind words & for your outstretched hand. All is well here.
Namaste,
Ronni
you arrive into a point that is YOU vs. the rest of the world…PLEASE, the only thing you have now in your hands is YOU, and your emotional health….be selfish, and take care of yourself…you can make a "deal" w life….ask hard, settle your points…dont get stuck…if u keep living a fake life you wont be able to love your kids….if you dont love yourself u wont love anyone else….take care….