Following Footsteps?

Well to start I guess I’ll say when I first knew I was into girls. I was in 5th grade. I didn’t know I was gay because well let’s face it you don’t really know that much about the whole sex topic. My parents were still married and we lived in a nice neighborhood. Life was “perfect” as my mom said. Well about a year after that realization of mine my dad moved out without much of a reason. We had to move to a not so great neighborhood and dad didn’t come around much. I was 11 and a half. About 2 weeks before my 12th birthday my mom sat me down (she had already had this talk with my sister and brother who were older.) and told me that my dad was gay and that he was going to hell and that it was okay to cry. I didn’t actually see the problem with it until she told me he was going to hell. Mind you we grew up Catholic up to that point. It was quite a shocker to the whole family. Mom obviously didn’t take that well. After that she was doing her own thing going out and drinking and such and my sister ended up trying to commit suicide. That took a major toll on what we had left of our family. I took care of my sister emotionally for a good yr or so. When we were in high school I had already known for sure that I was gay by 8th grade I had a “girlfriend.” I had pretended to have crushes on guys. Always ones that were good friends because hey we gotta make it believable! I don’t know how they believed me seeing as how I never dated any of these crushes. By 10th grade my mom had this guy living with us and he saw right through me always saying he thought I was gay and making rude remarks. Well I had a secret-ish thing with my friend Alex. That is until my sister saw her give me a hickey at school. 😀 We ended up moving to LA after that school year. I had a myspace and on my sexual orientation It said lesbian. Well turns out my mom got a myspace to “spy” on me and she saw it. She asked me and I was honest. She told me that I wasn’t gay and that she raised me better than that. “No kid of mine is going to be like that. You’re not like your father!” Were her exact words. So she denied it and like Tracy’s mom didn’t talk about it or sidestepped that minefield. I never made it a secret just because she wasn’t comfortable with it because I never thought I should hide who I am. We were in LA for 3 yrs and moved to AZ for “oppertunity” by this time I was 19 and just went with mom to go. I was talking to an old crush online that turned out she had liked me too and never told me. we talked constantly for about 6 months and told me she thought she loved me and wanted to come visit. That didn’t go over well with Mom. She asked me who this girl was and when I told her she actually slapped me across the face! It was a pretty good one too. Hurt like a bitch! She said no and went back to ignoring my sexuality. My sister had moved out here and finally asked me flat out if I was gay. I told her I just kinda figured she knew and she said she did but she doesn’t think I’m gay because “You’ve never been with a guy before” is what she said. I told her I didn’t have to be that I just knew. She asked me how I knew and I told her “Well how did you know you were into guys? It’s just something you know. It comes naturally.” She sticks with I don’t know I’m gay because It makes her feel better. So I have friends who know and accept me for ALL of me. And family who not 1 of them is accepting. Most accepting is my sister in her slight denial. But she says overall she wants me to be happy and that because my mom doesn’t speak to me anymore because of this that she’d never push me away for who I love. Even if she’s not that comfortable with it and doesn’t agree with it.