Chicago Love

You might be asking yourselves how its possible that I discovered/watched The Real L Word and The L Word yesterday for the first time in my life… I wish I’d known sooner. Thank You Tracy and Stamie for your collaboration in general and on The Real L Word. Thanks to everyone else who is as strong and uncompromising in their identity.

My Story:
This summer I had the privilege to live and study 5 minutes from Millennium Park in Chicago. Visiting a city is cool but living on one’s own in a big city is an unforgettable experience. No matter the time and place there is always something awesome going down… Particularly on a rainy Tuesday afternoon at the Contemporary Museum of Art this past June.

I hadn’t seen or talked to Jess in about a year and we had never been more than neighborhood friends. Although my close friends knew I identified as bisexual, I had never been secure enough about my identity to date (or even flirt with) a girl.

When I saw Jess for the first time this summer I felt a huge sense of desire and longing to deepen our friendship and get to know her better. She radiated intelligence, beauty, and life…

After some consideration, I decided the best way to learn more about Jess was to experience a museum with her. Every work can be discussed and I figured this would naturally create lots of personal reflection. [As it turned out I chose well because there was also a Jazz band performing in the museum that day.] We talked about so much while walking through the museum and it was amazing to share Chicago Jazz with Jess. Though we were enjoying the music it was getting late so we decided to grab dinner after a few songs. We had to run blocks though the pouring rain before arriving at my favorite deep dish pizza restaurant. Though we got utterly drenched, we were laughing and enjoying every step of the way there.

Dinner took hours though neither of us noticed the time go by. It felt like a minute before we said goodnight so she could catch a safe train back to the burbs. As an extreme introvert I don’t usually appreciate physical contact but I was elated when she gave me a hug before disappearing that night.

I felt deeply entranced by Jess that night and couldn’t stop thinking about every particular detail of my time with her. At around midnight she called me and we made plans to spend more time together later that week. It was clear to me that I didn’t just want to be friends with her though I had less than a month left in town.

By the end of my time in Chicago I had mastered the routine of taking the northern trains to Jess’ apartment after class and cutting it to the last second so I could spend more time with her each morning before catching the southern route to class.

Needless to say it was extremely difficult to leave her and go back west. She came to visit me in August and though the vacation began wonderfully, it didn’t end well. I’m sad that our relationship didn’t end pleasantly but I tend not to focus on the negative ending and reminisce about my time with Jess in Chicago.

It seems as though I naturally felt a deeper and more fundamental connection with Jess because I could understand her so much better/more than I understand guys. Everything about our relationship was more passionate and sensual too. Perhaps I shouldn’t make any overall judgments until I have more experience but I feel like dating women is so much more meaningful than dating men.

I wish I knew of the available women living on this tiny tiny campus… aside from the LGBT party scene, how will I ever meet them? As an introvert I don’t usually feel comfortable/like myself at big parties and I’m embarrassed to come out to my gay and lesbian friends on campus (again its the introvert in me, I don’t like attention). Also I feel like I would make many of my female friends on campus uncomfortable if I told them I like girls. Everyone assumes I only date men because I dated a guy on campus last year. What should I do?