All great things must come to an end, sadly!

Hi my name is cindy, (girl on right)
I was born and raised in southern california and moved to Houston, TX immediately after high school where i am currently staying.
Wow! where do i really start? well it went like this.I was only fourteen when i first laid eyes on this beautiful young girl. I knew i was a lesbian ever since i was a young girl, about 9 years old i say. I knew for sure after seeing Aaliyah’s back and fourth video and feeling all kinds of butterflies in my stomach like what is this. Every time my sisters would tease me about a boy liking me or that i liked him i would get so upset and wanna yell at them for saying such disgusting things. I never was attracted to boys as i was to girls, so i knew i was gay from the start.So back to the love of my life :). I would see her on campus in her basketball clothes and never knew her just thought her style was cute and she was so little and adorable. That year i ended up trying out for the basketball team and she was there in the gym as well. She introduced her self to me and there was this instant spark for a friendship the minute we met. From day one i was always the clown at b ball practice and i would always make her laugh and constantly smile. she loved all of my jokes and she was always the fuel to my fire to keep cracking jokes. we were inseparable. As the months flew by we remained friends and always had a good time at practice with one another but i for some reason couldn’t think of her as a girlfriend just my best friend and thats why i couldn’t make a move. The reason being was because i didn’t think she was gay. Well my senior year in high school i got with a girl and she had a boyfriend whom i would take her to go see on there little dates because she didn’t have a car at the time and i did. I knew i started catching feelings for her because every time i saw her with her boyfriend i would get a bit jealous even when my girlfriend was sitting right next to me. I would feel uncomfortable when i saw them kiss or hold hands. I always suppressed all my feeling though, because a girl with her beauty can get any guy or girl she wanted.she would never fall for a girl that is average looking like myself. she can get any guy or any girl that is way finer then me,so i had no chance but to settle for a friendship. summer time before i started my senior year she came out and told me she is bi and that she was messed around with a few girls and that she was no longer with her boyfriend. I was like dam so excited but it was too late because i was already in a pretty serious relationship with my girlfriend at the time. Lea and i would hold these amazing convos whether its over the phone or in person. She always kept me entertained she was such a well educated and diverse girl. Graduation comes along and i would get so emotional because i knew i would have to say goodbye to both lea and my girlfriend at the time to move here to tx. I would cry to my girlfriend and tell her how much i was gonna miss my bff/lil sis lea.I have never cried for a girl but yet i was crying for this girl who’s not even my girlfriend but just a best friend. eventually the time came and we had to say our goodbyes.I remember her showing up at my house that morning to spend as much time as she possibly could with me. finally when my dad arrived to take me to the airport she walked me out the the car and when i told her goodbye she held on to me so tight and cried in my arms like she just lost a family member. We cried and held each other in the street for a few minutes until i built up the strength to pull her back and tell her i love her and i have to go. It was the most horrible feeling i have ever experienced.We still kept in touch every single day and we would send letters back and fourth and remained the best of friends. My girlfriends from california ended up moving here to texas and lived with me for two years. It was a disaster i actually thought i loved that girl because she was my first. But in actuality i didn’t she was just me experiencing my lesbian life. IT WAS NOT LOVE. That relationship ended so bitter the girl drove my car spent my money and worked at my family business and still managed to cheat on me. keep in mind i treated this girl like a queen gave her everything and even though i worked 13 hours a day 5 days a week i still managed to cook and clean for her and take care of all her needs but it just wasn’t enough because she decided she wanted to be with a man instead.We broke up and she moved back to Tennessee and we never spoke again. Lea helped me through that break up all though it wasn’t long before i got over it. literally a month to be exact.After that lea and i got even closer we would talk on the phone all the time and at times fell asleep together on the phone. I told lea i got a makeover one day and changed my image. She was happy for me and told me to email me a pic. when i did her response was a bit like not what i had expected. she just told me dam. and sent me a little smiley face with it biting its lips as if she was attracted. I invited her to come visit me in tx and the minute i invited her she bought a flight right away to come see me. my family fell in love with this girl. they just adored her and brought her in as family almost immediatly. I remember the first night we kissed as if it was yesterday.We were both laying in my bed because she slept with me in my room and since i had a queen sized bed we slept together. we were laying in bed and we where just chatting it up. she was telling me all of her stories about the the people she made out with in cali at parties or just after meeting them she just liked to make out. whether they where a boy or a girl. then she told me she never really found a good kisser with full lips that she really enjoyed making out with and that everyone was just ok. keep in mind she made out with allllllot of people i’m talking more then 15. thats a lot for me because i have only kissed one person up until i was 19 and that was my ex girlfriend. so i built up the courage and said “well can you tell me how i kiss? because i’m not sure if i’m a great one, i’ve only kissed one person in my life!”there was a moment of silence and i was so nervous after a minute of silence she turned me on my side and said come here then. Boy did she have soft juicy lips and i was so nervous that i just pulled away after feeling her tongue in my mouth. i was so nervous that i don’t even think i enjoyed it much. i quickly turned my back to her and said umm good night and she kept trying turn me around softly but i wouldn’t nudge so she gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me goodnight and put her arms around me as she fell asleep. The next day we went out with my family to a place called kima sorta like a boardwalk. the drive there was long and excruciating for me. mainly because the whole time lea would try to rub my legs or thighs and it made me feel uncomfortable so i would cross my legs to avoid her. when we got to the boardwalk we would walk near the water and she would rub my back and i would feel so much discomfort. i didn’t understand why i felt so odd when she made moves on me because i always loved her. I guess i was just so nervous because she was my best friend and if we got into a relationship and it didn’t work out i didn’t wanna lose her friendship because it meant a lot to me. i always wanted her in my life no matter what! the rest of the week that she was here we never spoke about the kiss or our feelings because i would always avoid the convo and go to bed early so we couldn’t speak of it. the end of the week came and she had to go back home. as i walked her to her terminal and see her off she gave me this tight two arm hug with her arms around my neck. she pulled back to look in my eyes and attempted to give me a kiss but i dodged it by just hugging her tightly before she can get to my lips. so when she went back home we just spoke as friends and everything was back to normal. One morning as i was driving to work an officer hits me in her patrol car out of no where. she was at fault and in huge trouble for not setting of her siren or even looking when she turned and smashed into my vehicle. Her boss arrived at the scene and was very intimidating and mean to me because he wanted to scare me so we wouldn
‘t press charges. HE asked me for my license and i handed it over, it was still a california i.d because i hadn’t had time to get a texas one. well he ran my license and found out i had a warrant for my arrest! he immediately hand cuffed me and threw me into his patrol car (i got a ticket when i was minor in california at long beach’s the pike for curfew because i wasn’t aware of what time it was so they wrote me a ticket.) i didn’t know that ticket would haunt me because my dad told me he cleared it and this ticket was received right before i moved to texas. i remember staying in jail all day starving not having a bite to eat all day in the holding cell until they transferred me to the real jail and all i can think about that whole day was. i need to call lea she must be worried because we talk every single day and when she’s on a lunch break she always calls or texts me to see how my day went. as hungry, cold, and tired as i was all i can think about was i need to get in contact with lea so she doesn’t worry and lose sleep because of me. finally when i got out at 5 the next morning i was exhausted and hungry but the only thing i thought about was getting home and hearing her voice. when i did get home i ran upstairs and called her right away. it was late so yes she was asleep so i left her a voicemail telling her have a good night and i missed her so much i had a crazy day but all i could think about was her. from that moment i knew i didn’t just love her. i was in love with her! there was nothing else on my mind but her. eventually we revealed our feelings to each other and i really did get over my fear and allowed myself to fall in love with my soulmate. she moved out here to texas and ended up living with me(she told me she was gonna be nothing like my ex and that she would get her own place so this relationship would not remind me of my past) that never happened because she couldn’t afford it so i was basically left with no choice but to let her move in..long story short because it has been a long story.. pressures of my demanding and exhausting job and her being a full time student and working a part time job pushed us apart because we just couldn’t make time for each other. she now lives in california she moved back in december. we don’t speak anymore because she has a lot of anger towards me that we didn’t work out. i honestly thought and still do believe that she is my soulmate and that we were gonna be the power couple but we were just too young when we fell in love and as we became woman we struggled to balance our love in with the reality of life! the reason why i believe this is , after seeing the show i realized dam we are two young lesbians and both of our families and friends knew about us and accepted the both of us. thats like one in a million especially when she is catholic and i am Buddhist. not everyone will get this lucky. thank you for listening and i would love to share more of my story in details but its a long story so it would take a couple more blogs to cover it! i still love her and want to be with her! let me know what you guys predict for our future?