Advice Needed
Hey Everybody I love all the coming out stories and it sucks that I don’t have the same great story to tell. I guess my story is seeking advice or just asking for a push from someone to say hey you can do it you can be yourself. I am 31 years old and my girlfriend is 26. I live in Philadelphia…no not the cool part of town but suburbiaville where there is not a healthy mix of diverse, different, well-rounded people. Me and my girlfriend will be together for two years this coming November. First, let me say I am so in love with her and I still get excited every time I see her or even more every time I realize wow this hot amazing girl is in to me too. It is crazy to be able to feel like that but at the same time have doubts with our relationship. Here is the deal we work together and have mutual friends and NOBODY knows. We hang out with these people and have to act like we are just friends and even more have people pity us that we are single and can’t find anybody. It is so infuriating to not be able to just scream I have somebody and I am more in love then ever before. When we go out we are not openly gay so then we get hit on by guys and this causes huge arguments of course cause neither of us have the guts to tell whomever it is that we are together. When we check in to hotels one of us hides so ean request one bed not two. After two years we have not met each other’s family’s at all and still do holidays and every thing separate. We have only told a few freinds and don’t do really do many things together when it comes to friends because most dont know and it would be disrespectful to introduce your girlfriend as your friend. As you can see all this can get pretty stressful and overall ridiculous. It is funny cause we watch TRLW and it is like this fantasy land where it is okay to be who you are. We would die for just one couple or just a few cool people to hang out with where we could be totally ourselves and even hold hands as corny as that sounds. It sounds simple but seems so out of reach. My girlfriend has said it may be harder to tell people and receive the criticism that could come but I can’t imagine it being any worse? Anyway, I guess the bottom line is any advice that can be provided would be greatly appreciated. I feel like I’m losing the person I love because neither of us have the guts to take the next step in coming out and the amount of arguments not coming out is multiplying daily.
Thanks,
Janelle
GO PHILS!
Janelle, I must admit I know exactly where you are coming from. It is hard to come out to people when you are not sure if they are open to accepting the fact that you are gay. But with that being said, if you are absolutely positive you love this woman and you are happy, what do you have to lose? It is a world of relief when you are able to be yourself instead of hiding it. Wish you the best of luck. 🙂
Reading your story breaks my heart. I can relate. I lived in a VERY small town, where I was married to my high school sweetheart (man)…had 2 kids….and realized i was gay at 35! When I feel in love with my girlfriend of 4 years now, the love for her is what pushed me to say I WILL NOT LIVE A LIE. I divorced my husband, told everyone, and it was the best thing I ever did. I was SHOCKED at how supportive everyone was. Your family and friends love you unconditionally. Don't be afraid! They might be shocked at first, but they just want you to be happy. You will not live a happy peaceful life if you keep hiding. You BOTH have to be onboard with it though. GO FOR IT!!!!!!!!! Read our story….we posted it on here…..called "our story"….a picture of us too, im the blonde, she is the brunette!!!!!! Check it out!
I felt compelled to respond because your story hits so close to home with me. I am currently going through the aftermath of a break up and it is literally devastating. A nine year relationship has finally come to its end for the exact same reasons as the ones you listed. Please learn from our mistakes and just have the fortitude to come out to at least a few people if not all. Your relationship will not survive this way; I promise you. At some point it caused so many issues between us that I realized we had to step up. Unfortunately only I was willing and more able to do so than she was and it broke us in the end anyway because it takes both of you being on the same proverbial page. Even though I am completely shattered at the moment, I personally have no regrets because I was willing to do my part to hold on to the love of my life. If you love her that much and she is the one, then your relationship is worth fighting for. Try to make her understand the alternative is a slow systematic death of your relationship. Talk about it realistically… Be courageous and stand up united for what or whom you love or you will lose it all…and that kind of pain is a special kind of hell you do not want to be familiar with; trust me. Good luck!