I’m Muslim Arab and a lesbian
I’m Muslim Arab and a lesbian. I’m sure the first sentence can speak for itself! I knew it since I was young. I was a tomboy! Always play with boys and hang out with boys. I was the best soccer player boys would come and ask to play with them fight for me to be in which team. I did get along with boys very well. I didn’t have any girl friends just boys in my life. When I turned 12 I start checking girls out. I thought they were sexy and attractive. Won’t even look at the boys, and when I hear a girl say god he’s so fine. I’m like what!!!!! your fine not him (in my mind). At the age of 13 I start dressing like a girl because my mom and sister told me I have to dress like girls back then we were in Jordan. After a year we moved to California to San Francisco I was 14 years old and here where it all started! I start seeing girls and I loved it, I knew who I am I knew that’s who I am and that’s what I want. I want to live my life the way I want, and want to live life with someone makes me happy. Someone make my heart beat so fast when that someone touches me. And it will always be a woman because I’M GAY. My family! They don’t like me dating guys in general you know Arab! Imagine telling them I’m seeing a girl! Okay let’s just put it that way, they only want me to be with a Muslim man, and from where we’re from SAME CITY that’s how closed minded they are. I don’t want this life I knew it since I was young. If I come out they might disown me, or try to take me back home and force me to marry someone, maybe try to kill me! Who knows? One time I was with my sister in the car and she said if it happened that my daughter was gay I would kill her, I would poison her, because I don’t want her to bring me shame. (Hey and that’s my sister 24 years old imagine my parents) My mom makes faces whenever she sees gay boys or lesbian girls are kissing! Like she is disgusted, and she keeps saying thank god we are Muslims we’re not like that. But that’s wrong there’s Muslims who are gay but they’re not out just like me. I always have to lie about everything! Where I am and what am I doing. Tired of it I really want this over. I came up with 2 options
1. (Lose my family) Come out to my parents and leave them, I’m sure they will never accept me. They might tell people that I’m dead.
2. (lose my life and happiness) Never come out and just marry a guy that I’m sure I won’t be happy with, but family will be happy and love me! And that way I don’t lose my family.
Should I come out?
اختي العزيزه
هما لهم الدنيا واحنى لنا الاخره اصبري واحتسبي انا مثلك لاكن متاااكدة ان الله حيعووضني في الجنة الخلد
ما انكر ان البنات يجذبوني وان ما عمري تخيلت او حبيت رجال وانا عارفه ان ذا الشي شاذ
ولاكن لمن اتذكر ان الدنيا فانيا و ان الرسول بلغنا ان ما تقووم القيامه غير لما معاصي الاقوام السابقه كلها ترجع (((زي عاد وثمود ولوط ) اتاكد ان ما بقى شي ع يوم الدين
اصبررررري واحتسبي الاجر وانتبهي لا تجاااهري بالمعصيه
دعواااتي الحارة لك ولي
I don't think I can be of any real help regarding your decison to come out or not. When I came out to my sister's, I had no fears of them disowning me or anything like that, I knew everything would be fine, and it was still a hard thing to do. Maybe you can try to start some discussion re some "high profile" gay people who live good so called "normal' lives. I'll just bring up Ellen, she is very popular and does a lot of good for others. Maybe ask your family if they think she should be killed simply for loving someone of the same sex? All I know, is that it will most likely be hard for you to be married to a man even with a good marriage and there could be a divorce in your future if it gets to the point where it becomes too hard for you to live a life which isn't true to you and your feelings.
Hey girl !!
I'm muslim … i'm not gay, but please don't think that all muslims have this mentality. I mean, I really understand the fact that you can't say to your family that you're gay.. and I think that you don't have to do it because our parents are from another generation… so they can't understand. Honestly, I don't understand too because I don't know what are the feelings to a girl… BUT that's ok cause i respect that and the Respect is the most important in life! Listen, I really understand you and I know how it's the culture and the tradition, so what I suggest you is just to separate your family and your sexual orientation. You know, although you were with a man, you'll not talk to your mother about things that you do with him … you know what I mean about that ? So live your life girl as you want and where you will be YOU. But leave your family out of it about that because if I understand your mail, your family is very not ready to change their mentality.
Enjoy life 🙂
by the way… I am very very very very sorry about my english, cause I really don't speak it well as you see hahah … I really tried to help you and I hope that it will be a good advice due to the fact.
you need to know this that being gay is not something you have chosen and it cant be changed. you need to make a decision if you want to be who you are regardless of your faith. being Muslim and Arab and gay is hard but you need to know that there are many people like you. im Muslim, im not Arab, and dont live in states but i am gay. you need to know what are you going to do if your family disowns you or try to harm you in anyway, you have laws and organisations that will protect you from even your own family.
complete your education, get a job, be independent and then tell your parents.
they will disown you, but they need time to understand this, and they will come around eventually or you will make a family of your own. but this is your life and it is your decision.
hi there!!!! I am a muslim and i am lesbian too! I can feel what you are writing … although i wouldn't go to the point where i think my parents would poison me even though my family comes from a religious background. what i can share with you is my experience on point 2. I have done that, i;e marry a guy to make my family happy. Believe me it is so not that you should do. If i had to choose again, i wouldn't have given in to my parents and married a guy. You can't possibly be happy. I was eternatlly depressed and it was really hard to fullfill my duties toward my husband. Everytime, we slept together i would go for a bath for hours and hours. Eventually, I was so unhappy that my parents realised that. I told them i was unhappy in this wedding and I am now separated from my ex husband.
Since i told my family i am a lesbian, they have never accepted. But since they are my family and they love me they haven't force me into another wedding or something like.
I am not disrespectful towards their feelings by bringing my gf home or something like that. But they know how i am but don't accept it.
This situation is difficult to live in, but you have to hide all the time. You can't share your happiness with your family openly.
What i have then decided is to move away. I love my family, I love my religion, but I also love my life. I am who i am and i have accepted it.
That's it 🙂
hi there…I am a member of "Our Fifteen Minutes". I read your story and your "options".
it seems to me that the only option you have is to be independent of your family.
otherwise you will be forever trapped into what they consider right and you will never be happy in your life.
If you choose to stay with them, you will despise them in the end.
If you become independent and you lead your own life, away from them, then it's their job to choose an option: accept you for who you are, and hold you as you are, and let you be a member of the family, or forget about you and stay close-minded and stupid.
Uow! This is intense!
I really like Guest & Maros comment ..maybe take these 2 comments and help it be your guide
I would like to say that you are very strong for comming out on here and i guess thats a start
I hope that it has brought you a little relief with what you are going through 🙂
I think maybe you should change your two options you have written in your story
It seems like your two options that you have will have you broken no matter which one you choose
Consider taking GUEST & MAROS advice and use it as a guide to help you
The reason i say this is because there advice is basically like a guide that will prepare you mentally and physically
it will also help you get motivated in a more postive way,i really do feel this will help change you into a more happy you and aswell as a stronger you
dont feel as though you have to rush things ..the world moves for you, not you move for the world
dont fear your family but love them no matter what 🙂
Love works in mysterious ways 🙂
Lofz