17yrs gone and forever left

Wow, where do i start? 🙂

We were best friends in High School. She was a perfect student, an ideal child, went to church and stayed out of trouble. I was lucky to have graduated, got into tons of trouble, hated life and wanted to die. As they say opposites attract.

We started out as best friends, and that all changed one night when we decided we needed to get away and we rented a room at a local hotel. I lied to my parents and she to hers. That night was when we went from being “friends” to much more! 🙂 How did it happened? To this day we both have our own versions. 🙂

Over the next few months we were on an awesome high. It became our lil secret, and we were happy. We were inseparable. We needed each other. We didn’t care that we had to hide our relationship. We knew we could never tell anyone what was going on, after all it was “wrong”.

The 1st yr we were together was the hardest yr ever for us. I convinced my parents to let her move in with us. Then the rumors began, people began to talk and say things. My mom questioned me daily. I denied it. Our families began to ask questions. Once again lie n deny. We became great liars. How could something that felt so right be so wrong? Our hearts were happy, but outside of that we were both struggling. The lies eat u up, u push everyone away thinking that no one would understand what we had. Afraid of rejection. We lived in our own little world for yrs.

We moved into our own place a one bedroom and the lies followed. We were in our 20’s and had bunk beds. YES bunk beds! lol We still got asked and we still denied it. Life was easier this way. About this time i fell into depression. Having a hard time dealing with lies and fighting with who i was. Our relationship started to pull apart. It took all we had to keep “us” together.

Love can heal and it did. We struggled and got it together. Our communication was always close. I felt and still do to this day that if people just took the time to talk and express themselves they would b so much happier in their lives.

As the yrs passed people stopped asking. We were “like sister’s”. Our families adjusted. Don’t ask, Don’t tell worked for us. We lived our lives as straight women. When we went home, we entered another world. A world where it was ok to say “I love you”, or to show affection. As we entered our 30’s we still were going strong and created so many memories. We had a beautiful life. We built it and it was ours. We had told a handful of close friends about “us”. It just worked living like this. We loved each other, and that’s all that mattered to us.

We started watching the real Lword, and seen how it was “OK”. That here was a group of women who were happy and living their lives and it was “OK”. It opened up a window for us. We started to question what we really wanted in our life.

Children? She always told me NO it would be unfair for the children to have 2 moms, so i gave up asking for kids long time ago. But here on this show it was “OK”. Marriage? never even thought about it before, after all no one knew about “us”. We began to get excited, we too could be happy, and “OK” we could live a life like these ladies. We deserve to, didn’t we? Here we were going on 18yrs of being together, longer then most straight couples.

We started to like the way it sounded to tell people about “us”. To NOT have to hide. To NOT have to lie and deny any more. So began our journey we started with a few texts, then emails, a few phone calls, and our moms were told face to face. There was no negative responses, and most said they knew and were waiting for us to come out with it. We still are not 100% out. But to the people close to us they all know. We can be who we are. The lies have stopped and we feel free.

I have seen my lovely wife become comfortable and explore into the “gay scene”, a place she would never have stepped foot into. We talk about marriage as soon it is legal, and are trying to have a baby. We have met so many great “gay” people through this site. Most we would call forever friends. 🙂

I personally would like to Thank you, Stamie and Tracy for creating a site where it is “OK” for us to be who we are. For the chat room, that allows us all to connect and share. Most of all i want to thank u both for the love and time u both have shared with Rosie and myself. xoxo